Repair
Repair lowers temperature, honours effort, and restores conditions so posture can return without shame.
Name observations, not judgments. Change conditions before demands. Convert conflict → constraint.
What / When / Looks like
- What it is: Reframe harm non‑judgmentally; honour effort; install guardrails; drop temperature so posture returns.
- Activates: Observable dysregulation or tension (e.g., thrashing); system needs a calm reset.
- Looks like: “Step back.” — “Breathe with me.” — name observations, not judgments — clean boundaries — conflict → constraint.
See Repair in the wild
Supporting an SEA after a tough incident — reframing and next‑step planning
After a prolonged dysregulation that ended in parent pickup (our agreed protocol), an SEA felt dejected: “I failed the kid; I could’ve done better.” I start with Brush: confirm what they experienced in their own words. Then Repair: honour the effort and the many attempts; surface the roller‑coaster pattern (up → calm → up within minutes); celebrate the pockets of calm as evidence that some things worked.
We remove shame, keep dignity, and pivot to Invite: curiosity‑driven planning using contextual signals (breakfast? morning state? anything in the communication book?). Outcome: adult posture returns; tension drops; they decide to capture notes while it’s fresh so we can tweak the plan later with better data.
Noise spike before a lesson — model calm limits
Volume rises; bodies scattered. I state observables, not judgments: “We can’t learn when our bodies aren’t calm.” We install clean guardrails, breathe together, and I model slower cadence. I call out positive regulation as it appears. When the room settles, we acknowledge everyone (first responders and those who took longer), then launch the lesson together. Respect preserved; baseline restored.